Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
