I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
