Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
