is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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