Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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