After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
