Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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