I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
