I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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