I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
