You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
