Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
