Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
