So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
