It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
