I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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