dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
