I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
