I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Randomize
