Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
