Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
