found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
