Just fell off a train. Bad.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
