we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
well you can't waste a boner
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
