i just had sex bonerless
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
