Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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