im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
