That's intense
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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