I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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