Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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