You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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