Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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