dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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