So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
