He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
