I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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