considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
50% drunk capacity currently
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
