do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
