Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
