I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize