Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
