they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
