Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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