the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
