Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
