my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
