FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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