Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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