Texts From Last Night

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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk

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  (423): I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk http://tfl.nu/ntyc
  Replies (18) Good night (2531) Bad night (1565)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.

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  (972): Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy. http://tfl.nu/2xr2
  Replies (52) Good night (1010) Bad night (9673)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Oh and I threw up on myself...

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  (303): Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine (303): Oh and I threw up on myself... http://tfl.nu/hxn5
  Replies (41) Good night (1705) Bad night (7259)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.

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  (401): Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name. http://tfl.nu/4teg
  Replies (13) Good night (6406) Bad night (2237)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.

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  (201): You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality. http://tfl.nu/6ws6
  Replies (26) Good night (1472) Bad night (3931)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning

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  (330): that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning http://tfl.nu/x1eb
  Replies (2) Good night (955) Bad night (1768)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?

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  (605): They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now? http://tfl.nu/s9tm
  Replies (11) Good night (4072) Bad night (871)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.

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  (814): You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done. http://tfl.nu/ojtz
  Replies (31) Good night (2965) Bad night (818)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka

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  (512): Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka http://tfl.nu/edtb
  Replies (8) Good night (1848) Bad night (792)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.

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  (540): For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners. http://tfl.nu/0hks
  Replies (4) Good night (1692) Bad night (607)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?

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  (702): Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right? http://tfl.nu/4gj4
  Replies (8) Good night (1517) Bad night (494)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?

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  (512): I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I? http://tfl.nu/ch97
  Replies (6) Good night (1593) Bad night (466)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.

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  (407): There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things. http://tfl.nu/bogj
  Replies (4) Good night (228) Bad night (1061)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again

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  (850): If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again http://tfl.nu/wd88
  Replies (1) Good night (592) Bad night (226)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.

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  (561): Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old. http://tfl.nu/6giy
  Replies (1) Good night (494) Bad night (267)

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