If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
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Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
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Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment