I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time