Need sex. Gaining weight.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.