stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..