There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
