"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch