Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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