I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
