Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
