yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
