What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
