All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
