After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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