im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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