im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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