I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
