She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
