Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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