the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
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