He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
