omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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