Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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