Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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