Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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